Day 2, 364 days to go

It's been a heck of a day. I've gone from high to low and now I'm somewhere in the middle. I finished my master's degree last May and I've been a SAHM since then, and enjoying it. We've been trying to get pregnant for close to two years, and one year really seriously with absolutely no success. I've been doing fertility treatments and still no success. I have a friend who has also been experiencing some infertility issues. Her DD is 11 months younger than mine, she'll be three in May. They've been trying for about 8 months and she just got a positive pregnancy test today. She basically did nothing fertility wise, except go on birth control for three months to reset her system and lo and behold, got pregnant the first month off of it. It is heart breaking for me. I've put thousands into treatment and I've got nothing to show for it. It's been hard on me having other friends come up pregnant, but this is just a huge blow. I mean, I'm not mad at her, I know they've struggled, it's just so hard to watch everyone around you get pregnant and not succeed. It's horrible. Her kids will be 3 years, 4 months apart. I always wanted my kids 3-4 years apart, and now with all of my fertility failure my kids will be a bare minimum of 4 years, 4 months apart, and that is only if I ovulate this month on my own...I haven't ovulated on my own since I got pg with Molly. We are taking a break from treatment because we are currently a little too broke.

I swear I'm not super negative, it's just been a rough last couple of days.

The high point is that while I've been a SAHM, I said I would look for a job if I wasn't pregnant by January. We kind of changed that when January got close because I can't just give up trying. BUT, this week a perfect job kind of fell in my lap. It's with a private practice, just two SLPs. They need an additional person. It is really flexible and I'm only going to work 10-15 hours a week. They mostly contract with daycares to screen/evaluate/treat the kids there that need it. So I'll be working Tues/Thurs from about 8:30-4:30 with Medicaid kids at the daycare and two kids at home, 12 clients total, for a total of 12 actual clinical hours a week. The rest of the time will be spent in transit, prep and paperwork. I'll be getting paid for the clinical hours, but not the rest, which is totally fine. The real kicker is how much they are going to pay me.

Last spring I was doing my medical internship at a skill nursing facility and when I asked my supervisor how much I would get paid if I worked there she said to ask $30/hour starting out as a CFY (clinical fellowship year, basically a residency for speech paths). I though that seemed really good. So when I was talking with Monica (my new boss and mentor for my CFY) I was assuming somewhere in the $25-35/hour range. Um, nope. $70/hour! Seriously?? How can anything I do be worth that much? It doesn't seem possible, I sure don't feel that worthwhile or skilled. It is weird to think I have been educated in something worth that much...Me, plain old me. It's crazy. So that will be life changing for us. It means we can sell our little condo we live in and get a real house with a backyard and garage and all of those neat things that we don't have here.

Speaking of our condo, my pictures from today are of our kitchen. The smallest kitchen EVAR! It's terrible. A nearly 1300 sq ft condo and an itty bitty kitchen. Our new house will have a much larger kitchen. Even if the house isn't much bigger, I will have a bigger kitchen!!

So the pics are of our tiny kitchen before and after cleaning up. It was a disaster, a real disaster. Holidays, and being out of town and then being tired and lazy, well it all adds up to a real mess. I'd cleaned it a little earlier today, but when my husband cooks he has a habit of destroying everything and leaving a giant mess. I really hate huge messes, and a little bit of a neat freak, but I don't actually like cleaning so it gets a little messy from time to time. Anyway we cleaned it pretty well. I still need to clean around the burners on the stove, and soft scrub the sink, but that can wait.


BEFORE





AFTER


I got that enameled cast iron skillet for Christmas. It's clean, but it has to stay on the stove because I don't have any where to put it.



Now you can play find the differences between the pictures.